A little story

A Story I Like....
In the time of Buddha, a woman named Kisagotami suffered the death of her only child. Unable to accept it, she ran from person to person seeking a medicine to restore her child to life. The Buddha was sad to have such a medicine.

Kisagotami went to the Buddha, paid homage, and asked "Can you make a medicine that will restore my child".

"I know of such a medicine," the Buddha replied. "But in order to make it, I must have certain ingredients".

"Bring me a handful of mustard seed", said the Buddha.

The woman promised to procure it for him, but as she was leaving, he added, "I require the mustard seed be taken from a household where no child, spouse, parent, or servant has died".

The woman agreed and began going from house to house to house in search or the mustard seed. At each house the people agreed to give her the seed, but when she asked them if anyone had died in that household, she could find no home where death had not visited- in one house a daughter in others, a parent or husband had died. Kisagotami was not able to find a home free from the suffering of death. Seeing she was not alone in her grief, the mother let go of her child's lifeless body and returned to the Buddha, who said with great compassion, "You thought that you alone had lost a son, the law of death is that among all living creatures there is no permanence."


So I like this story and I don't. While I do find some comfort that I am not alone in losing a parent or a loved one, it does not take away from the pain. I know that eventually all of my peers will lose a parent, unless they are unfortunate enough to die before them. I and my family have not been singled out because of what has happened to us, but sometimes it feels like we have. My dad was so precious to each of us, and we have all been left with a dad-shaped hole in our heart.

It helps me to know that this happens to everyone in that I know other people have gone through the same thing I have and gotten through it. I know that in my own way, and in my own time I will as well. There will still be days that just suck because my dad won't be there to share ____ with or laugh at ___ with me.... but that's normal. Everyday, life without dad gets a little more real...it's like he is actually permanently gone now...where as before, it felt like he was just at the hospital or something.

In good news: for the past 2 nights I haven't dreamed about my dad, which is a good thing because before then, I dreamed of him being sick every night since his death. Hopefully that's a good sign that things are looking up.

Anyway, that's about it for tonight, bed time!